Onward Bound Humor

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

385. Washington Post Invitational. Week 771

From the Washington Post Invitational. Week 771
In which we asked for names for employee handbooks, etc., for particular professions or workplaces.

"The Compleat Dangler"–– Rule book for a male nudist colony

"Duck!" –– A guide to being the president of Afghanistan

"Tiers of a Clown" –– Barnum & Bailey organizational chart

"Cross Examination: The Department of Justice Bible Study Guide"

"Cher and Cher Alike" –– Drag show chorus line rule book

"Government Buy the People" –– Tax stimulus payment mailers' guide

"First Come, First Severed: A Practical Guide to Amputation"

"The Way We Whirr" –– Helicopter flying manual

"For Whom the Belle Toils" –– Escort service:

"When You Dish Upon a Star" –– National Enquirer reporters' handbook

"Spit and Polish" –– Dental hygienists' manual

"Divided We Fall" –– United Airlines preventive maintenance manual

"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dummies" –– A guide to crash testing

"From Bier to Eternity" –– Gravediggers' manual:

"Who's Sioux in America" –– Bureau of Indian Affairs census:

"Inducing Labor" –– Teamsters recruiting manual:

"101 Jokes About Other Professions" –– American Bar Association banquet planning guide

"Eight Days, a Whack" –– A manual for mohels

"Our Bodies, Our Sales - The NOW Guide to Streetwalking"

"How to Succeed in Business Without Really Frying: Opening a Fat-Free Restaurant"

Thursday, July 10, 2008

384. From the Washington Post Style Invitational

Fictitious Movie Trivia

Even though RKO spent $50,000 to clean up the Empire State Building afterward, the producers ultimately chose not to use the "King Kong" poo-flinging scene. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

The first documented product placement in film history was by the Rosebud Sled Co. (Patrick Kelly, Brampton, Ontario)

The flying monkeys used in "The Wizard of Oz" were sold to research laboratories after the movie was filmed.

Despite their classic love story that has thrilled millions, Fay Wray and King Kong actually hated each other.

In an extreme example of Method acting, Jack Nicholson had an actual lobotomy for the ending of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."(Jonathan Kaye, Washington)

Samuel L. Jackson once turned down a script. (Dan Hauser, Arlington)

"Over the Rainbow" was nearly cut from "The Wizard of Oz," but test audiences preferred it to the proposed up-tempo number called "If Miss Gulch Takes My Dog, I'll Burn Down Her Barn." (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

For theaters in much of the Bible Belt, the 1966 film "One Million Years B.C." was retitled "Three Thousand Years B.C." (Russell Beland)

"Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" was the first general-release American movie to contain the words "@$%%!!{$181}{rcub}," "&*%#@" and a certain form of "$%{$181}*#$." (Cy Gardner)

Earlier drafts of the script for "No Country for Old Men" had an ending. (Cy Gardner)

F. Murray Abraham has said that he drew his inspiration for his role as Salieri in "Amadeus" from his deep hatred of Mozart and his music. (Victor Lee, Leonia, N.J.)

Linda Blair won the role of Regan in "The Exorcist" over more experienced actresses because she was the only one who could rotate her head 360 degrees and projectile-vomit at will. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington; G. Smith)

Every one of Woody Allen's leading ladies has been legally blind. (Larry Yungk)

The ugly child who played the part of E.T. performed without makeup. (Don Kirkpatrick, Waynesboro, Pa.)

Robert De Niro prepared for his role in "Taxi Driver" by driving a taxi in New York for six weeks. Then he killed several pimps. (Marc Leibert, Jersey City)

Howard Hughes designed Errol Flynn's cantilevered codpiece for "The Adventures of Robin Hood." (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

In "Being John Malkovich," Johnny Depp was originally cast to play Malkovich, but he had to pull out due to illness. (Kevin Dopart)

Unsure how the war in Europe would go, "Casablanca" director Michael Curtiz considered an alternative script in which Rick, Ilsa and Victor fly to Germany, fleeing French Resistance terrorists. (M.C. Dornan, Scottsdale, Ariz.)

In the fourth "Die Hard" movie, Bruce Willis did his own smirking. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

If you listen carefully during the climactic scene of "The Natural," you can hear the ping of an aluminum bat. (Bob Dalton, Arlington)

Early digital editing techniques were used on "Return of the Dragon" to make it appear as if Bruce Lee beat up Chuck Norris, since no one can actually beat up Chuck Norris. (Keith Waites, Frederick)