Onward Bound Humor

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Monday, February 16, 2009

396. Washington Post Invitational, Week 795

In which we asked for some shovel-ready suggestions on what the government should be spending our money on in an effort to stimulate the economy:

Encourage people to spend money faster by printing it with disappearing ink. (Martin Bancroft)

Since pro ball players make great salaries, let's build a major league stadium in every town. (Kevin Dopart)

Build the Backside of Mount Rushmore Memorial, with the corresponding views of Pierce, Buchanan, Harding and Dubya. (Kevin Dopart)

Have the Treasury secretary put it all on Red. If it wins, repeat. (Russell Beland)

We could help both the airlines and the innkeeper industry by requiring all citizens to go to their home towns for the 2010 census. (Jon Graft)

Decrease threats to U.S. security by financing anger management classes for terrorists. (Lawrence McGuire)

Extend FDIC insurance to Ponzi schemes. (Martin Bancroft)

Don't give $17 billion to the automakers. Instead, buy a half-million of the biggest beasts the Big Three make and hand them out to people who have lost their homes to foreclosure. The automakers get the cash, the autoworkers get jobs, and the homeless get a place to live. (Fil Feit)

Help GM by buying a national fleet of meter maid Hummers. (Jeff Brechlin)

Upgrade the Pentagon to a hexagon. (Kevin Welber, Bethesda)

Start a massive advertising campaign encouraging citizens to participate in Leave Your Refrigerator Open for 24 Hours Day, to help counter global warming. (David Garratt)

Build an adults-only annex to the Library of Congress. (David Garratt)