401. The Dog Will Be Halppy To See Me - Jon Carroll
“To all non-pet-owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are animals. to me they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.
“Remember dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. eat less,
2. don’t ask for money all the time,
3. are easier to train,
4. normally come when called,
5. never ask to drive the car,
6. don’t smoke or drink,
7. don’t want to wear your clothes,
8. don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
9. don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
10. if they get pregnant, you sell can their children.”