295. Selected Puns
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went
back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist
friars.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath.
This made him ...... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .....A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally, there was the person who sent ten different
puns to her friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would
make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Then there was the very young pony that was separated from
his mother very early in life proving that a foal and his
mummy are soon parted.
What do you get when you cross a supermarket cashier with
10 gallons of ice cream?
You get a Chubby Checker.
What do call an extremely deep hypnotic trance, required to induce a
Hawaiian dancer to clean up after her dog?
A super-duper, hula-hooper pooper-scooper stupor..
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
[OnwardBoundHumor.blogspot.com]
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went
back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist
friars.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath.
This made him ...... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .....A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally, there was the person who sent ten different
puns to her friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would
make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Then there was the very young pony that was separated from
his mother very early in life proving that a foal and his
mummy are soon parted.
What do you get when you cross a supermarket cashier with
10 gallons of ice cream?
You get a Chubby Checker.
What do call an extremely deep hypnotic trance, required to induce a
Hawaiian dancer to clean up after her dog?
A super-duper, hula-hooper pooper-scooper stupor..
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
[OnwardBoundHumor.blogspot.com]
posted by Bookgleaner | 7:02 AM
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