Onward Bound Humor

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Location: The City, On the edge

Monday, July 03, 2006

250. Notice Of Revocation Of Independence

To the citizens of the territories formerly known as
the United States of America.

In the light of your recent failure to elect a President of the USA
who knows how to govern your democracy, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP) will appoint a minister for America further elections will be abolished. The Congress and the Senate is herby disbanded, most people will not notice.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The use of "US English" is herby abolished. Microsoft has been notified of the change and be required to issue an immediate software update

2. All citizens will be required to raise vocabulary to acceptable levels

3. All citizens will learn to distinguish the English, Australian, Irish, Scot and Welsh accents.

4. All citizens will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",

5. What has been referred to as American "football" is herby abolished.

6. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November
15th will be a new national holiday, It will be called "Indecisive Day."

7. A copy of the Oxford English Dictionary will be distributed, each will be required to look up "aluminium" and learn how to pronounce it properly.

8. All American cars are hereby banned and should be surrendered to the nearest scrap yard for disposal. Tiny European cars will be issued as replacements with the steering wheel on the correct side of the vehicle.

9. Effective immediately all road signs will be replaced to reflect new regulations for driving on the proper side of the roadway.

10. All Citizens are herby required to learn geography and to acknowledge the territories formerly known as the United States of America as a British Crown Dependency.

Cheerio and God Bless the Queen!

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