Onward Bound Humor

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Saturday, July 01, 2006

248. The Study Of Economics

Economics

Definitions
Economics is:
- the only subject in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing;
- a study that shows why the best time to buy anything was last year.

An economist is an expert who:
- doesn't know what s/he is talking about, but makes you feel that it is your fault;
- knows the price of everything and the value of nothing;
- is too smart for his/her good, but is not smart enough for anyone else's;
- will know tomorrow why the things that s/he predicted yesterday did not happen today;
- someone who sees something working in practice, and asks whether it will work in principle.

Some Basic Laws of Economics
First : For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.
Second : They are both wrong.
Third : An acceptable level of unemployment means that the economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Fourth: Economics is a very useful form of employment for an economist.
Fifth: To err is human, but if you really want to mess it up, get a computer.

Ten Good Reasons to Study Economics
1. Economists are armed and dangerous; "Watch for their invisible hands."
2. Economists can supply on demand.
3. When you are in the employment queue, at least you know why you are there.
4. When you get drunk, you can tell your colleagues that you are just researching the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility.
5. You can talk about money without ever having made any.
6. Economists do it with models.
7. If you arrange the letters in Economics, you get "Comic Nose".
8. When you call a Chat Line and get Candy Keynes, you will always have something to talk about.
9. Economists do it risk-free, and in an Edgeworth Box cyclically.
10. You can say "trickle down effect" and keep a straight face - and your job!

FAQs( frequently asked questions)
Q. If two economists were out walking, how would you recognize the econometrician?
A. He's the one walking randomly.
Q. What do economists and computers have in common?
A. You have to punch information into them.
Q. How did the French Revolution affected world economic growth?
A. Too early to say.
Q. What does an economist do?
A. Not a lot in the short-run, which means nothing in the long-run.
Q. Why were economists created?
A. To make weather forecasters look good.
Q. Why was astrology invented?
A. So that Economics could be an accurate science.
Q. Why don't sharks attack economists?
A. Professional courtesy.
Q. What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an economist?
A. An offer that you can't understand.
Q. What is the difference between Economics and DoubleDutch?
A. DoubleDutch is incomprehensible, Economics just doesn't make sense.

Ten "Light Bulb" jokes (always a dependable stand-by)
1. Q. How many market economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, because:
- if it needed to be changed, market forces would have already caused it to happen;
- the outlook's getting better! It's definitely getting better!!
- they are all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium;
- the darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
2. Q. How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It all depends on the wage-rate.
3. Q. How many Keynesian economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. All. You increase employment, boost consumption, shift the AD ( Aggregate Demand) curve to the right......
4. Q. How many Marxist economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, because it contains within itself the seeds of its own destruction.
5. Q. How many Economics PhD students does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I'm writing my thesis on that topic, and I should have an answer in approximately three years time.
6. Q. How does an economist estimate GDP at constant cost?
A. Deflator mouse
7. Q. How many microeconomists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. All. One to screw it in and the rest to hold everything else constant.
8. Q. How many game-theory economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One, but it really gets screwed.
9. Q. How many academic economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. A whole department, and that's just to prepare the research grant.
10. Given a sample of 100 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 90 empirical economists attempting to determine which theory is the correct one, and everyone will still be in the dark.

Jokes ( just the old fashion kind )
A party of businessmen were flying in a balloon. The wind was quite strong, they were blown off-course and had no idea were they were. The pilot came down to 20 feet above ground and asked a passing hiker where they were. "You are in a balloon," he replied. The pilot said ," that answer is perfectly accurate, but absolutely useless. You must be an economist." "Then you are businessmen," the hiker replied. "That's right! How did you know?" "You have such a good view from where you are, and you still don't know where you are."

Two academic economists were returning home from a conference. As usual, they occupied the cheapest seats and were sitting in the center seats on opposite sides of the aisle. They continued their discussion about the papers read at the conference during take-off and through the meal service. Eventually, one of the passengers in the aisle seat offered to change places so that they could talk and he could sleep. After switching seats, one economist remarked to the other that it was the first time an economic discussion had ever kept anyone awake.

(A supply side joke) A traveler visiting an island inhabited entirely by cannibals came across a butcher's shop. The sign outside read: Artists' brains, $2/lb; Philosophers' brains, $3/lb; Scientists brains, $4/lb; Economists' brains, $5/lb. The traveler went into the shop and said, "those economists' brains must be very popular." To which the butcher replied, "are you joking? Do you have any idea how many economists you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"

An academic economist died and went to heaven (honestly!). There were millions ahead of him in the queue. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk beside the gate and came down the long line to greet him most warmly. He was taken to the front and into comfortable armchair. The economist said, "I am enjoying all this attention, but what makes me so special?" "Well," said St. Peter, " I've added up all the hours which you have claimed in your Appraisals to have worked and, by my calculations, you must be 184 years of age!"

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a practical economist and a drunk are walking down the street together when they spy a $50 bill. Who gets it?
The drunk, obviously; the other three are imaginary figures.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathemetician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before journey mathematicians bought 3 tickets (they could count to three) and economists only one. Mathematicians were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. Hovewer when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three economists went to the nearest toilet. Conductor noticing that somebody is in the restroom knocked at the door and in reply saw a hand with the ticket. He checked it and economists saved 2/3 of the ticket price. Next day mathematicians decided to use the same strategy - they bought only one ticket, but economists did not buy tickets at all. When mathematicians saw conductor they went to the restroom, and when they heard knocking they handed in the ticket. They did not get it back. Why?
The economists took it and went to the other toilet.

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The URL for this page is http://www.econ.sbc.edu/jokes.htm. This page is maintained by the Department of Economics at Sweet Briar College. Please direct any comments or questions to the department at Econ@sbc.edu.

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