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Monday, November 20, 2006

325. Synagogue Seating Arrangements

From: http://www.haruth.com/jhumorlink.

During, the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.

1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
Talking section
No talking section

2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)
Stock market
Sports
Medicine
General gossip
Specific gossip (choose:)
The rabbi
The cantor
The cantor's voice
The cantor's significant other
Fashion news
What others are wearing
Why they look awful
Your neighbors
Your relatives
Your neighbors' relatives
Presidential Election (uh oh)
Sex (Preference):______________________
Who's cheating on/having an affair with whom

3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
Doctor
Dentist
Nutritionist
Psychiatrist
Child psychiatrist
Podiatrist
Chiropractor
Stockbroker
Accountant
Lawyer
Criminal
Civil
Real estate agent
Architect
Plumber
Buyer (Specify store:____________
Sexologist
Golf pro [tentative; we're still trying to find a Jewish One]
Other:___________________________

4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)
On the aisle
Near the exit
Near the window
In Aruba
Near the bathroom
Near my in-laws
As far away from my in-laws as possible
As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
Near the pulpit
Near the Kiddush table
Near single men
Near available women
Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services __ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]

5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
I can see my spouse over the mechitza
I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza

6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people: (Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
Mother-in-Law
Ex-In-Laws
Rabbi's wife
The cantor's significant other

Your name:________________________________

Building fund pledge: $________________________

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