Onward Bound Humor

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

315. Cullings I

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around. Herb Caen

I'm astounded by people who want to "know" the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody Allen

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. Sam Levenson

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Sam Levenson

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. GBS

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. Russell Lynes

We all have the strength to endure the misfortunes of others. La Rochefoucauld

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. Judith Martin

It takes ten years to get used to how old you are.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. Robert Orben

Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the first step on the road to Minneapolis. Garrison Keillor

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do? Ronnie Shakes

There are some extremely sharp investment advisors who can get you in at the bottom of the market. There are some extremely sharp ones who can get you out at the top.
They are never the same people.
Gary North

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

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