Onward Bound Humor

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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

320. More Puns

A Great Pun Is Its Own Re-Word

1. Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.
2. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
3. Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
4. A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing, but mean your mother.
5. Shotgun Wedding: A case of wife or death.
6. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
8. Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
9. Is a book on voyeurism a "peeping tome?"
10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
11. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
12. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
13. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
14. Without geometry, life is pointless.
15. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
16. When two egotists meet, it's an "I" for an "I."
17. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
18. What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
19. A backwards poet writes inverse.
20. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
21. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
22. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
23. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
24. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
25. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
26. A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
27. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
28. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
29. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a
small medium-at-large.
30. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
31. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
32. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought
she'd dye.
33. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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