Half the people you know are below average.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.