Onward Bound Humor

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Friday, June 08, 2007

347. Epitaphs on Old Tombstones

Epitaphs on Old Tombstones

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. The Good Die Young.

n a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann.

Dec. 8, 1767 In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger But slow on the draw.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the
fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go.

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod. Pease shelled out and went to God.

In a cemetery in England:
Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be. Remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent, Until I know which way you went.

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