Onward Bound Humor

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

341. Odds & Ends

Odds & Ends

Three more definitions from the Washington Post Invitational
Guiltar: a musical instrument whose strings are pulled by your mother. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)
Goodzilla: a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham Palace. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to start speaking?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

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