275. Washington Post Invitational - Three

The Washington Post publishes yearly contest winners in which readers
supply alternate meanings for various words.
COFFEE: (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
FLABBERGASTED: (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
ABDICATE: (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
ESPLANADE: (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
WILLY-NILLY: (adj.), impotent
NEGLIGENT: (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
LYMPH: (v.), to walk with a lisp.
GARGOYLE: (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
FLATULENCE: (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.
BALDERDASH: (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
TESTICLE: (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
RECTITUDE: (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
OYSTER (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with many
Yiddish expressions.
CIRCUMVENT: (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
FRISBEETARIANISM: (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes
up on the roof and gets stuck there.
POKEMAN: (n), A Jamaican proctologist.