Onward Bound Humor

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

270. The Rules Of Chocolate

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your
appetite, and you'll eat less.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories
are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that
a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way,
at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in
one place. Now, isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you
can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for pantyhose. An
entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen,
can you?

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