Onward Bound Humor

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Thursday, July 06, 2006

254. Signs You Have Grown Up

A FEW SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
9. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
10. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
11. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
12. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
13. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms
and pregnancy tests.
14. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
15. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
16. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them
instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?"

Bonus:
17: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

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