Onward Bound Humor

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

164. Literary Taunts

** A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults. -- Louis Nizer
** I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.-- Stephen Bishop
** He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.-- Winston Churchill
** A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Winston Churchill
**I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. -- Clarence Darrow
** He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. -- William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway
** Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words. -- Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner.
** Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it. -- Moses Hadas
** His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open. Howard Hughes about Clark Gable
** He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others. -- Samuel Johnson
** He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. -- Paul Keating
** He had delusions of adequacy. -- Walter Kerr
** There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. -- Jack E. Leonard
** He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. -- Abraham Lincoln
** I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx
** He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. -- Robert Redford
** They never open theirs mouths without subtracting from the sum of
human knowledge. -- Thomas Brackett Reed
** He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebearers, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them. -- James Reston about Richard Nixon
** In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. -- Count Talleyrand
** Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without an address on? -- Mark Twain
** A solemn, unsmiling sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. -- Mark Twain
** I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved. -- Mark Twain
** His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. -- Mae West
** She is a peacock in everything but beauty. -- Oscar Wilde
** Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. -- Oscar Wilde
** He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. -- Oscar Wilde
** He has Van Gogh's ear for music. -- Billy Wilder
** He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts...for support rather than illumination. -- Andrew Lang

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