157. Psychiatrist Humour
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.
A psychotic thinks that two and two are five.
A neurotic knows two and two are four -- but he hates it.
What happens when a psychiatrist and a hooker spend the night together? In the morning each of them says: "120 dollars, please."
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge.
Doctor: What's come over you?
Patient: Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.
Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.
Just one, but it takes nine visits.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
"How long have you been having this phantasy?"
"Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?"
One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?
"How many do you think it takes?"
When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded "Ah, you're Freshmen."
He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it's Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors."
"When you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it's graduate students."