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Thursday, March 16, 2006

152. Survivor Teacher Show

This is for: Those who think that teaching is easy ... and for
those of us who know better will understand ...

Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?

**Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an
elementary school classroom for 6 weeks.
**Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her
school district's curriculum and a class of 28 students.
**Each class will have five learning-disabled children, three with
A.D.D., one gifted child and two who speak limited English. Three
will be labeled with severe behavior problems.
**Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in
advance with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize
or create materials accordingly.
**They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct,
implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct
homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards,
document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent
conferences.
**They must also supervise recess and monitor the hallways. In
addition, they will complete drills for fire, tornadoes, and shooting
attacks.
**They must attend workshops (100 hours), faculty meetings, union meetings,
and curriculum development meetings.
**They must also tutor those students who are behind and strive to
get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the
Terra Nova and EPA tests.
**If they are sick or having a bad day, they must not let it show.
Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science and
social studies into the program.
**They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally
stimulating environment at all times.
**The business people will only have access to the golf course on
weekends but on their new salary they will not be able to afford it anyway.
**There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to
lunch, and lunch will be limited to 30 minutes. On days when they do not
have recess duty, the business people will be permitted to use the staff
restroom as long as another survival candidate is supervising their class.
**They will be provided with two 40 minute planning periods per week
while their students are at specialists. If the copier is operable, they may
make copies of necessary materials at this time.
**The business people must continually advance their education on
their own time and pay for this advanced training themselves. This can
be accomplished by moonlighting at a second job or marrying someone
with money.

The winner will be allowed to return to his or her job.

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