Onward Bound Humor

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Location: The City, On the edge

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

78. Letter From A Farmer

Dear Ma and Pa,
Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
Corps beats working for the old man by a mile. Tell them to join up quick
before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because
you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to
sleep late.? Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your
cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix,
wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it
is not so bad, they get warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs,
bacon, etc ..., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried
eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can
always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus
yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these
city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon
Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my
place to tell him different. A"route march" is about as far as to our
mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in
trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a
schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors
and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals
for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk
and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at
home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't
even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt
and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get into this setup and
come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

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