Onward Bound Humor

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Friday, November 11, 2005

15. Stock Trader Solution

(Creatively Edited from Money Mag.)

Beset by scandal, the New York Stock Exchange is under pressure to alter or, as the Wall Street Journal put it, abandon its "use of humans to trade stocks on the floor of the exchange". The NYSE could adopt Nasdaq-style electronic trading or they could investigate replacing traders with one of the the following:

ZOMBIES
PROS - Tirless and efficient servants to their overlords.
CONS - Limitless hunger for human flesh and brains.

KITTENS
PROS - Energetic, extremely cute
CONS - Easily distracted by balls of yarn and having their stomachs scratched.

BLOCKS OF WOOD
PROS - Incorruptible
CONS - Dry Rot

MONKEYS
PROS - Surprisingly effective stock pickers. Could do well as stock traders.
CONS - Tendency to fling feces.

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