Onward Bound Humor

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

14. Signs Of A True Texan

Signs Of A True Texan, or Redneck, or All Those People That Live South of You

When someone asks for your ID you show them your belt buckle.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

The Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road when you come to the burnt out Chevy."

You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You have at least one tooth missing from opening a beer bottle.

Your wife's hairdo has been ruined by a ceiling fan.

You see no need to stop at a rest stop because you have an empty milk jug in the car

You have a plastic bag for a window on the passenger side.

Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

Your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade.

You view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.

Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

Your front porch collapses & kills more than three dogs.

You were fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening at the filling station.

After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.

You have a picture of Willie Nelson over the fireplace.

Your idea of safe sex is a padded headboard.

You own a belt buckle that weighs more than three pounds.

Your rich relative buys a new home and you help him take the wheels off.

Less than half of the cars you own run.

Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass.

You've been too drunk to fish.

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