Onward Bound Humor

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

219. Pearls of Wisdom Two

Just why do men lie about each other when the plain truth would be bad enough?
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
A psychologist says kissing is where two people get so close together they can't see anything wrong with each other.
If you have an unpleasant neighbour, the odds are that he does too.
Many a man's expenditure of speech exceeds his income of ideas.
Nothing depreciates a car faster than a neighbour buying a new one.
For every minute you're angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
Psychiatrists say that one of four people is mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're okay, you're it.
It takes very little to make a woman happy, and more than is contained in Heaven and Earth to keep her that way.
If you don't enjoy what you have, how could you be happier with more?
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde
What would have happened if Iraq' main product was broccoli?
When you wake up in the morning and nothing hurts you can be sure you're dead.
Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?
Do the people in Tipperary realise they're a long way away?
Deja moo: the strange feeling that you've milked this cow before.

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