Onward Bound Humor

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Location: The City, On the edge

Saturday, May 13, 2006

202. Decoding Women's Personal Ads

40-ish..................... 49
Adventurous................ Slept with everyone
Athletic................... No tits
Average looking............ Moooo
Beautiful.................. Pathological liar
Buxom...................... Fat
Emotionally secure......... On medication
Feminist................... Fat
Free spirit................ Junkie
Friendship first........... Former slut
New-Age.................... Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned.............. No BJs
Open-minded................ Desperate
Outgoing................... Loud and Embarrassing
Professional............... Bitch
Voluptuous................. Very Fat
Large frame................ Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate............ Stalker

A WOMAN’S ENGLISH:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I am sorry = you'll be sorry
We need to talk = you’re in trouble
Sure, go ahead = you better not
Do what you want = you will pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course I am pissed, you moron!
You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

A MAN’S ENGLISH:
I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Nice boobs!
I love you = let’s have sex now
I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

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