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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

107. Chickens & Roads Four

Chicken Crosses Road Update

-- Election 2000

Why did the chicken cross the road?

THE GORE CAMPAIGN
Contrary to claims being made by the Bush campaign, the chicken has not crossed the road. And, even if it has, it will not cross the road again.
What about the 19,000 chickens that were thrown out?
What about the 3,500 ducks that were mistaken for chickens?

GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
Chicknes maybe need to cross the road, but I don't believe we
need to get the chicknes across the road. I say give the road to the chicknes and
let them decide. The govnerment needs to stop stranglinging the chickens
and then getting them across the road. My mom likes chickens.

THE PALM BEACH COUNTY FLORIDA CHICKEN
I didn't mean to cross the road. Had I known I was crossing
the road, I wouldn't have done it. I didn't even know the road was
there. The sign was confusing and misleading. I demand my right not to
cross the road, and, if necessary, will sue.

FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE JAMES BAKER
For the good of the country and for the sake of our standing
in the world, the chicken should finish crossing the road for once
and for all, and the busines of an orderly transition to the other
side of the road should begin.

GORE CAMPAIGN MANAGER WILLIAM DALEY
Because the arrow pointing across the road was misleading. It
was not the true and accurate will of the chicken. The chicken
should be taken back across the road and be allowed to make the
decision once again.

WARREN CHRISTOPHER
We've come to believe that there are serious and substantial
irregularities resulting from the road being crossed only in one county.

JESSE JACKSON
I received thousands of calls from chickens who were trying to cross the road, but who were stopped by road blocks set up by the white man. Thousands of others were forced to cross roads they had no intention of crossing by the white man. These chicken crossings do not pass the smell test. This is an unmistakable, unequivocal, unambiguous, and indisputable case of chicken discrimination and crossing fraud. We must have a federal investigation.

JANET RENO
Chicken crossings are state problems.

VICE PRESIDENT GORE
I like chickens. I invented chickens. I was with the chicken
when it crossed the road. In 1974, long before any one else recognized the plight of chickens,I recognized their plight and began to fight for them. I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their
God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.

SECRETARY CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly
if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.

RALPH NADER
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the

evil tiremakers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays
tire makers to create the need for these roads and then lures
chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them.
Down with the roads; up with chickens.

PAT BUCHANAN
That wasn't my chicken. I think it was Gore's.

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