Onward Bound Humor

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Friday, December 16, 2005

60. Older Women

To all my 40+ lady friends . . .

Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all.
Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night
to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If an older woman doesn't want to watch the game, she
doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do.
And it's usually something more interesting.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in
who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few
women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about
her or what she's doing.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming
match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive
restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to
shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.
They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to
her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore
even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other
women. An older woman couldn't care less if you're attracted to
her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess
your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This
is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right
off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have
to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart,
well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in
yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old

"Ladies, I apologize."
Andy Rooney

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