Onward Bound Humor

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Friday, May 02, 2008

382. Washington Post Invitational, Week 751

Washington Post Invitational Week 751
In which we asked you to help supply new "unscripted TV fare" to the writer-struck networks by slightly changing the title of a current or past TV show.

We could program every cable channel for years with the entries submitted for this contest. Some of the most commonly offered titles: "American Idle," "You Bet Your Wife," "Manics," "C*A*S*H," "Bob's New Heart."

"No Dime for Sergeants": A report on the Army's uncompetitive pay scale.
(Dave Ferry, Key West, Fla.)

"America's Moat Wanted": Lou Dobbs and the anti-immigration crowd insist that a 2,000-mile fence is not enough.
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

"Missionary: Impossible": A documentary exploring the sex lives of the extremely obese.
(Dean Evangelista, Rockville)

"Thee's Company": The history of the Quaker Oats empire.
(Wilson Varga, Alexandria)

"Talcum in the Middle": A Lifetime Channel special on treating diaper rash.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

"My Car, the Mother!": Ralph Nader rants about his Detroit lemon.
(Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Mister Roget's Neighborhood": PBS show lists synonyms for Word of the Week.
(G. Smith, New York)

"The A-Teat": Yet another reality show about runway models.
(Ralph Scott, Washington; Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

"CBS Evening Muse With Dan Rather": Each night the reinstated news anchor simply describes news stories he wishes were true. (Russell Beland)

"Everybody Loves Ramen": Four 18-year-old guys learn to flush the toilet, not put laundry detergent in the dryer, and other life lessons in their first year away from home.
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis; Judith Cottrill, New York)

"One Lay at a Time": No, no, it's just a contest to see if you really can go without a second potato chip in one sitting. (Sanford D. Horn, Alexandria)

"Man Icks": Women try to outdo each other with tales about how gross their husbands are. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

"America's Next Top Mohel": Contestants vie to produce the most creative circumcisions; every week someone gets cut. (Jerrie Olson, Frederick, a First Offender; Brendan Beary)

"Gilligan's Isthmus": In this reality show, seven shipwrecked people live as castaways because they are too stupid just to walk back to civilization. (Russell Beland)

"America Underclover": Each week forensics experts dig up corpses and examine their states of decomposition. (Michelle Stupak)

"Antique Broad Show": "The View." (Brendan Beary)

"Secret Pageant Man": Expose about the transsexual who was once crowned Miss America.
(Rick Haynes, Potomac)

"Unsmoke": A lone marshal attempts to enforce the cigarette ban in Dodge City's restaurants.
(Russell Beland)

"Father Knows Breast": Extreme body makeovers.
(Ted Weitzman, Olney)

"The Dorks of Hazard": Actuaries and consultants sit around conducting risk analysis.
(Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

"The Straights of San Francisco": Documentary about the little-known other side of that great city.
(Jim Ward, Manassas)

"Last Vegas": Car restorers halfheartedly work on the final specimens of this loser Chevy model.
(Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

"The Untouché-ables": A year with an undefeated fencing team.
(Russell Beland)

"Dadwood": The life of Soon-Yi Previn. Tonight's pilot: "Married . . . to Children."
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

"Beget Smart": Tips on having more intelligent babies.
(Randall Kunkel, Spotsylvania, Va.)

And Last: "Gypardy": Departing from recent trends, this game show asks really difficult questions for ridiculously low-value prizes like T-shirts and magnets. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)


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