Onward Bound Humor

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Monday, March 17, 2008

376. Washington Post Invitational, Week 749

Washington Post Invitational, Week 749

In which we asked you to come up with entirely new meanings for existing words .

Conning tower: A Madison Avenue skyscraper.
(Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)

Cremate: Coffee-Mate's unsuccessful initial brand name.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Accordion: The result of a Honda's collision with a Peterbilt.
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Aspiration: the trickle of sweat that runs down past your back on a hot summer day.
(Morris Davis, Gainesville, a First Offender)

Ballpark: An athletic supporter.
(Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)

Bandicoots: The Rolling Stones.
(Gary Hevel, Silver Spring)

Blunderbuss: To French-kiss your boss's wife at the office Christmas party.
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

Boron: A chem major at a party.
(Kevin Dopart)

Bumpkin: A hit man from the Family.
(Beverley Sharp)

Distribute: A nasty eulogy.
(Christopher Lamora, Arlington)

Eggs Benedict: The pope's edict on fertility treatments.
(Paul Kocak)

Effrontery: The missionary position.
(Tom Witte)

Flaccid: Lousy LSD.
(Randy Lee, Burke)

G-spot: A mild reproach to a dog.
(Duncan Seed)

Hispanic: What Lou Dobbs demonstrates every time he opens his mouth about immigration.
(Christopher Lamora)

Automated: Got lucky in the back seat.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Bag ladies: What single gentlemen try to do.
(Christopher Lamora)

Direction: What Prince Charles had at least twice.
(Kevin Dopart)

Homogenized: What the religious right fears our youth will become if public schools teach tolerance toward gay people.
(Peter Metrinko)

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