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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

364. Fictitious Revelations

From the Washington Post Invitational
In which we asked you to supply some fictitious revelations about current or former politicians:

LBJ's mother used to pick him up by his ears. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

John Edwards's campaign has released documents proving he now pays well below the average rate not only for his haircuts, but also for his weekly manicure, pedicure and mango-avocado-yogurt facial peel. (Larry Yungk, on vacation in Bangkok)

The venue for JFK's visit to Germany was changed from Hamburg on the advice of his speechwriter. (Joel Knanishu, Rock Island, Ill.)

Vice President Cheney's prolonged absences from public view reflect times he has checked into Bethesda Naval Medical Center while shedding his exoskeleton. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

In addition to fear itself, FDR was terrified of circus clowns. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Kay "Bailey" Hutchison got her nickname from her father's favorite cartoon character, Beetle Bailey. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Hubert Humphrey named all his pet cats Bogart. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Bob Ehrlich is the secret love child of Bob Haldeman and John Ehrlichman. (Randy Lee, Burke)

In 1989, to prevent voters and political opponents from associating him with America's enemies, Barack Moammar Castro had his name legally changed to Barack Hussein Obama. (Mike Fransella, Arlington)

Joe Biden once held his breath for 12 seconds. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

Though James Buchanan was the only bachelor president, he had a deep platonic relationship with rookie White House reporter Helen Thomas. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Bill Richardson has the most cleavage of any presidential candidate. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

As a kid, Steny Hoyer was never teased about his name. (Randy Lee)

Rep. Tom Tancredo once rode in a taxi driven by an illegal immigrant -- and he gave the driver a tip. (Horace Labadie, Dunnellon, Fla.)

Mitt Romney has never spent more than $1.50 for a haircut, as he has been bald since 1958. His current "hair" is a plastic cast made from a bust of Ronald Reagan. (Steve Fahey)

Lincoln was the first president to wear briefs. (Russell Beland)

Walter Mondale made an interesting comment on Nov. 14, 1983. (Jeff Brechlin)

Newt Gingrich was named for the New Testament. (Randy Lee)

When he was living in Indonesia, Barack Obama was enrolled in Hadassah. (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)

Stephen Douglas used the line "I know you are but what am I?" four times in his debate with Lincoln. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

Dennis Kucinich only seems short because his wife is 8-foot-4. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Because of the troubles with subprime mortgages, the Romney campaign has yet to be able to work out its purchase of Iowa. However, they're close to settlement over New Hampshire. (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

Hillary Clinton has amassed a huge campaign war chest from monies freed from the accounts of Mrs. Sese Seko merely by paying administrative fees of only a few thousands of dollars US. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

Sen. Larry Craig has just announced that after leaving office he will be the national spokesman for a campaign to raise awareness of Restless Leg Syndrome. (Dale Hample, Silver Spring)

Dennis Kucinich took steroids as a third-string high school quarterback, but they were placebos. (Kevin Dopart)

Early in their marriage, Dick and Lynne Cheney decided that if they had a son, they would name him Anakin. (Dale Hample)

Hillary Clinton has submitted entries to The Style Invitational 13 times since 1996, but has never seen ink. (Chuck Koelbel, Houston)


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