123. Signs Of Menopause

Chapter 1: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove,
he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just
saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult
gives you four hours of decent rest.
5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.

Chapter 2: SIGNS OF WEAR
OLD IS WHEN...
1. Your sweetie says, ‘Let's go upstairs and make love’
and you answer, ‘take your pick’
2. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
3. You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
4. Getting a little action means you don't need to take any fiber today.
5. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
6. An ‘all-nighter’ means not getting up to pee.