122. Application For President of Argentina
FORTUNE Monday, February 4, 2002
By Tim Carvell
Are You Management Material?
Large South American country looking for dynamic leader. Free room & board, medical/dental insurance, 401(k), lifetime pension. No previous experience required. Understanding of Spanish, global credit system a plus.
Call or write for application.
Oficina de Empleo Nacional de la Republica Argentina
Thank you for your interest in becoming president of Argentina! We're always on the lookout for new leaders--do you have what it takes? To find out, complete this application and send it in with a fee of 25 pesos. Actually, better make that 30 pesos. Or 50. Fifty pesos should do it, if you send this today.
1. How did you hear about the presidency of Argentina?
__Newspaper __Television __Friends __Part of raging mob outside presidential palace
2. Are you an Argentine citizen?
3. If No, can you at least locate Argentina on a map?
If No, did you at least see Evita?
Patti LuPone was better in the part, wasn't she?
4. Do you happen to have several billion dollars that you could give to our treasury?
If Yes, please specify your sash size:
__S __M __L __XL
If No, do you at least have some sort of secret economic plan that can revive our economy?
5. Your plan doesn't involve trading energy futures while concealing massive amounts of debt in off-the-books entities owned by various directors, does it? Because we had a guy in here last week who floated that plan, and frankly, it just seemed stupid to us.
6. Have you ever been elected president in any other country?
Please note: This is a yes or no question. We don't want to hear about the intricacies of ballot design, voting machines, or the electoral quirks of your country.
7. Do you have any experiences that might prepare you for the turmoil, upheaval, subterfuge, and stress of being president of Argentina?
__I was briefly a member of Destiny's Child. __No
8. How do you feel about being burned in effigy?
Please sign your name here.
(If you are under 18, your application for president of Argentina must also be signed by a parent or guardian.)
Please include a self-addressed, stamped envelope.